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101 Reasons Why Penn State Basketball Can't Make it Over the Hump

Thought I’d dust off and give this old thread a spit shine

[size=14pt]101 Reasons Why Penn State Basketball Can’t Make it Over the Hump:
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  1. too many cows, not enough clubs

  2. the nasty weenies running the BJC

  3. the nasty weenies sold at the BJC

  4. fat cat no shows at the BJC

  5. admissions insist that JuCos pass Algebra II

  6. success of the Big East

  7. Jerry Dunn

  8. vast E$PN wing conspiracy

  9. Tubby Smith’s blackness

  10. Sam Lickliter, Ed Hightower & Tim Higgins have it in for us

  11. Paterno’s shadow

  12. cult of Parkhill

  13. Minnesota’s raised floor

  14. Wisconsin’s Sterling basketball

  15. coaches are contractually obligated to use Piper Cubs for all domestic recruiting trips

  16. AD’s refusal to provide more than two chairs for a bench

  17. AD’s refusal to buy a new stick to mix the Gatorade

  18. Spanier’s washboard

  19. pep band’s stale playlist

  20. program’s rabbit foot is still attached to the rabbit which was run over by a Blue Loop on College Ave in 1988

  21. Bon ‘Friggin’ Jovi

  22. Pitt and Syracuse blocked the formation of an all-sport Eastern league fourscore and seven seasons ago

  23. we have a vision

  24. our libraries are too arousing

  25. inadequately ventilated laundry rooms

  26. defending Wall Street Journal corporate recruiting rank requires too many career fairs in South Gym

  27. Pennsylvania is an outlier state in the Big Ten

  28. State College High doesn’t have enough McD’s AAs

  29. players’ training regimen lacking authentic chicken cosmos

  30. program has never recovered from it’s failure to capitalize on the 1954 Final Four appearance, most notably losing Wilt Chamberlain to Kansas, who cited his concern over the stability of PSU’s program as it transitioned from Elmer Gross to John Egli

  31. Appleman decided coaching tennis was more important than becoming our next head coach

  32. we sub players out with 2 fouls

  33. SID never provides phonetic spelling of ‘Nittany’ for announcers

  34. there’s no T in Edward Richard DeChellis

  35. NCAA refuses to count close losses as half-wins
    35(a). NCAA doesn’t have an ignore option for losses

  36. other teams just shoot too well

  37. Steve Lavin’s telegram was accidently delivered to UPenn

  38. we left the Atlantic 10 just when we figured out how to beat St Bonaventure on a regular basis

  39. Jake Kelly…or any other dorky looking wings for the Hawkeyes…Jess Settles, Adam Haluska, etc.

  40. our coaches can’t resist racking up air miles by recruiting Europe

  41. didn’t hire Tim Floyd, Rick Pitino, Bob Knight or John Wooden

  42. failed to offer a full scholarship to Maurice Stokes

  43. failed to realize that “Success with Honor” is a two part goal

  44. old Tastycake delivery van for Hoops club tailgates

  45. Dunn left Gerry McNamara sit in the dark on his recruiting trip

  46. Chevy Troutman wouldn’t come here because the University didn’t give enough of a commitment to Jerry Dunn

  47. fans can’t even get their excuses straight

  48. administration thinks the black curtains of the BJC are classier than the old drop ceiling tiles in Rec Hall

  49. no/not enough Prop 48s/42s/JuCos

  50. Title IX

  51. “Honorary Coaches” don’t realize that we’re a Nike school

  52. campus is located smack dab in the middle of Pennsyltucky

  53. best player is routinely asked to shoot from the G-Man

  54. names like Talor Battle predestines us to an uphill struggle

  55. too many Buckeyes, not enough Wildcats

  56. unable to get as many years from our players as we got from Dan Earl

  57. coaches refuse to recruit one and dones

  58. John Bach wouldn’t go across the street to recurit Barry Parkhill

  59. star recruits are afraid that they’ll be asked to play linebacker

  60. Joe Paterno doesn’t want the basketball team to succeed

  61. Jay Paterno hasn’t yet been named Manager of the BJC

  62. Nittany Lion has to use a mini ball and box to dunk

  63. students are the loudest when trying to catch a 6" inch sub in the tv timeouts

  64. other fans realize that their Subway cupons are NOT valid at the BJC, leave at half time to cash in downtown

  65. players constantly slip on the lack of hockey ice under the court.

  66. media continues to misspell Talor Battle…that never happened to Wojciechowski

  67. Parmi Nous continues to block The Lion’s Paw efforts to join the Illuminati

  68. bad luck

  69. haven’t figured out how to combine a Job Fair-ish event with a basketball game like Northwestern does

  70. HoJo didn’t start

  71. Jan Jagla only wanted to shoot 3’s

  72. our sole NCAA record, Craig Collins FT% in a season (95.9%) was surpassed by Blake Ahearn’s 97.5% in 2003-2004

  73. our coaches don’t really shine until they hit the NBA… John Bach, Dick Harter, Brian Hill

  74. still think the NIT is the better tournament

  75. coaches’ daughters haven’t recruited enough Ron Avillions, Paul Mickeys and Titus Ivorys

  76. students are more concerned with raising money for cancer, rather than a ‘big name’ coach.

  77. fear of being tackled by student fans causes players to shy away from big wins

  78. home court winning percentage is inversely proportional to seating capacity of venue:

Armory - 92%
Rec Hall - 74%
BJC - 62%

  1. four year rolling average has reached the point of diminishing returns

  2. case races have not been the same since Rolling Rock left Latrobe

  3. God thinks that our charter plane is a ski excursion

  4. Pegula likes hockey more than hoops.

  5. Jesse Arnelle has been using his position on the Board of Trustees to keep the basketball program down so no one would surpass his career scoring record

  6. Coquese Washington’s family refuses to root for the opposing team

  7. most memorable NBA name is Brick

  8. video coordinator is having difficulties finding replacement parts since we upgraded from Super8 to Betamax

  9. we don’t know the gd words

  10. John Egli’s book “The Sliding Zone Defense for Winning Basketball” has gone out of print

  11. current exchange rate makes another pre-season bus trip to Canada cost prohibitive

  12. the Paterno Doctrine won’t allow us to sPit on hitt

  13. the Cubs have the Billy Goat curse, we have the Iuzzolino curse

  14. Philly players prefer Coke and Addidas

  15. local fan interest plummeted after Ron Bracken retired from the Centre Daily Times

  16. budget cuts killed the Agriculture School’s flying pig program

  17. low retention rates among younger siblings

  18. attendance has dropped since the dance team’s Big Red graduated

  19. NCAA sanctions to other schools aren’t tough enough

  20. Jared Sullinger greedily decides that one year isn’t enough

  21. shot clock prevents us from executing our game plan on a regular basis…we strive for scores of 38-33, 42-41(OT), etc.

  22. only time we get coverage in the Philly papers is when our coach leaves

  23. DeChellis figures out that the sailing is better at Annapolis than Stone Valley

  24. Athletic Director didn’t realize that his pre-paid cell phone only had 13 minutes remaining when he called Larry Brown

haha, I love it. Straight from Letterman

Funny stuff. Altho you need to switch troutman and McNamara in 45 & 46

See #47

Funny stuff. Altho you need to switch troutman and McNamara in 45 & 46

See #47

Yes, the work that was put into that should be appreciated. :slight_smile:

+1 :wink: